Response to: "Making words penetrate the density of my resistance"

Janice, I am responding to your post here, since you say that you have trouble viewing comments. Is that still the case? Let me know. Does anyone else have this problem? Kevin did leave a very appropriate and helpful comment on your post, Janice. Maybe you have read it by now.

The lessons are designed to over time open you to new understandings. This is why it is important to read each lesson, one by one, and not share your lessons with others. Each person must make their own commitment to their spiritual path. When you take one step towards the angels, Truth, Reality, God, the angels take two steps towards you. This is universal law.

Each lesson contains everything you need to know, but the brain is so ingrained in wrong thinking, that it takes a long time to break through old conditioning to what is new. You are developing a right relationship with yourself, with angels, with God. The false self (ego) will rebel and fight against this. 

It's similar to how a little child develops. Sometimes the toddler wants to fight against the parent and do everything for herself, even when she is too young. She can't run across the street by herself, so she cries and struggles, but the good parent keeps hold of that child's hand and does not let go. 

Sometimes the little child wants the parent to do everything for him. He resists picking up his own toys. He cries and throws a tantrum. The good parent sets boundaries and helps the child develop right responsibility. The parent teaches the child not to be careless and lazy.

Sometimes the child wants candy for breakfast and other things that are unhealthy. The good parent does not give into demands that will harm the child. A good parent teaches the child, offers guidance and loving discipline.

So the ego in every person struggles against the spiritual path. The ego struggles to be in control. The ego resists and fights. But the ego is much more clever than a child. It finds ways to convince you that the spiritual path is too hard and takes too long. That you should be there now.

You know how a child in a car will say, Are we there yet? Well, the mind says the same thing. The angels reply, you are here NOW. You are always here NOW. Be here NOW.

But you can't say that to a child. Because a child cannot understand. Just as seeker cannot understand. A person on their spiritual journey is like a child in a car, going from one point to another. It seems as if you have gone somewhere, ended up somewhere else, but the child nature remains the same. So the child hasn't gone anywhere--the child is right where she always was, even when her body is in a new place.

The only journey that really matters is the inner journey. Your body can travel many places, but if you are the same person when you get there, it doesn't matter. You can be happy living in a tiny room or unhappy living in a mansion. It all depends on your inner state.

The ego will rebel against Truth. It will try to reclaim its control over you. It does not have your best interests at heart. It has one desire -- to control, to live off your energy, to rob you of your life. It's a huge step forward when you can continue your spiritual lessons, even when it seems you are not getting anywhere. That is not true. It is just the false voice of ego trying to keep you where you are.

You said, Janice, that you retreated to safety. I'm glad to know you left an abusive relationship. You had to let go of an identity you'd held onto for a long time, even though it was a painful identity. This is why people often stay in abusive relationships -- because they don't know who they will be if they leave. When they do leave, they often lose their definition. Like a picture in a coloring book losing the lines that define it. Who am I?

Retreating into safety means you had to lose the old definition. It was all good, all necessary for your survival -- but it left you shut off from many of your feelings; it left you feeling numb. Just let it be. Understand that there is a hurt place inside you that needs time to allow herself to feel soft and vulnerable again. 

Vulnerable does not mean being weak. True vulnerability is actually strength. Vulnerare, from the Latin, means “to wound.” Habilite from the old French, and habilis from the Latin, both mean “able.” So when you are vulnerable, it simply means you are “able to be wounded.” 

When we stop trying to pretend we are incapable of being hurt, when we can admit that we can be hurt, it allows the heart to open and expand, because the heart loves Truth. When you are no longer afraid of pain, pain loses its power over you. 

So give the hurt place inside you time to heal. Be gentle with it, not demanding that it do something it is not ready to do. It's part of you. Teach it. Allow it to be taught. Your lessons contain many teachings, more of which will be revealed to you as time goes on. Just keep noticing what happens as you read. The lessons are great for allowing you to see what you were previously too weak to see about yourself. What are we too weak to see? Our own darkness. Our own light. 

Keep showing up. Just like in a school in the world, you show up, day by day, year by year. And suddenly you can read. You can draw. You can do arithmetic. It just happens. But it can't happen if you don't show up and do the work.

And thank you for sharing so much of your story. Even though not so many people make the effort to interact here, the statistics show that most of you at least show up here to read. This message is to you, Janice, because you made the effort to show up here. I don't always give such long answers, but sometimes. And when I do not answer right away, I am staying with the questions, pondering them in my heart with the angels, who are holding you and your questions in the Light of Understanding.