this is my second try at sending this. i accidently errased the first one. I go through life feeling like I cannot conect with people and I am having this same experience here. I have not been in the open classroom recently and I think it is because I feel left out when I see other people connecting and i am scared of not being accepted. It is very difficult for me to admit this because generally I do a really good job at hiding this trait of mine, but I am tired of keeping up this pretence. Would someone or someones like to join a study group with me? love and light Annie
Hmm. I just posted a long comment to this but apparently it didn't work. I will try again later. Just trying to see if this one works. Indira
ReplyDeleteDear Annie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your openess.
Yes I would like to connect with you because I also miss an exchange here.
I feel also often misunderstood in life and it is sometimes not easy to connect with others.
Also here in the classroom it is too quiet for me or too spiritual.
Are you also German?
I would like to hear from you more.
Love Elisabeth
Yes, Elisabeth, it has been a very quiet classroom lately, however I am very sure that everyone's mind has not been so quiet! I liked reading what you wrote about your recent connection with the angels. Yes, the angels DO speak to us in many ways. When we are open to hearing and seeing them! Thank you for always being so open in the Open Classroom!
ReplyDeleteFor you, Annie....How brave you are sweetpea. I happen to know that while we have members from 4 countries and several states, there is no one from where you live. So what kind of study group do you mean exactly?
You may believe that you are the only one who feels so vulnerable, but really everyone is fragile and fearful inside. ALL PEOPLE! Even the women walking down the aisle on Oscar night in their designer gowns. Even the president of a country.
One reason for the open classroom is to give everyone an opportunity to express themselves. Keeping fears and negativities inside is like letting a sliver remain in your finger where it can fester and cause greater pain.
Even when (if) no one responds to what you (or someone else) says - it is part of the work - part of YOUR work. Notice your reactions! Feel embarrassed? Left out? Angry? Contracted? NOTICE THIS!!!
The truth is that these feelings are not new.
Remember that I said it takes courage to walk the Razor's Edge? It takes courage to examine yourself under the bright light of consciousness. Therefore, this path is not for the weak.
The angels will never talk down to you. They will never agree with your low estimation of yourself. However angels DO see you as you think you are - and they see you as you really are. This is the nice thing about angels. Angels see your darkness and KNOW it is not real - so they look through it to your light. Angel focus intently upon that light, as they whisper again and again to you, reminding you of your true nature, asking you to let go of everything that does not serve this higher nature.
The School is designed to reveal slivers that are hidden deep in your unconscious. Remember! What you are not aware of controls you. As the slivers that keep you living in lack, loss, fear, and limitation and cause so much pain in your life - are brought to the surface - they can be released!
I said in the Introduction that the more you invest in yourself through the school, the more you will receive.
So you keep showing up. Keep doing your work. You benefit not only yourself but others through your active participation in the school.
And when I say "you" I refer to each of you. There is the "you" you think you are - the dark, fearful, limited, contracted you, the you that gets lost in reactions, in highs and lows. This is the same you that is in everyone.
Then there is the real YOU. This is your Divine Nature. This is also the same YOU for everyone.
Remember reading this in Lesson One: "The School strips away the layers of false conditioning that have been built up over years and lifetimes."
Did I mention that having layers of false conditioning stripped away from you is not so easy? Please keep in mind that the ego will fight hard to hold onto its false conditioning, because the ego has no idea who it would be without this conditioning.
Embarrassment, fear, elation, disappointment, despair, - these are ALL reactions. YOU are not a reaction! YOU are not a feeling that comes and goes.
Continue to be brave!
The angels also say, "As you travel your spiritual path, the light begins to shine more brightly. As the light gets brighter, you can see more clearly. Some of the things you see then, are your negative tendencies, tendencies you were previously too weak to acknowledge. This does not mean you are suddenly deteriorating. It means you are becoming stronger and more courageous. On the other hand, you could say you are becoming more vulnerable. True strength is in being vulnerable. We will talk more about this in future lessons."
So continue to be vulnerable and fragile because that is true strength. Some people are too shy even to enter the classroom and say one word! That's okay. Everyone is accepted and loved by the angels as they are.
Dear Judy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your answer.
I am shocked how dependent I am from my boyfriend.Today he says to me he need this day for himself and I should not cometo him as normally on Friday.
Now I feel powerless, have pain in my stomach because I have to structure my day alone.
I have to do some housework but my ego want nothing to do and I feel fear to be responsible alone for my life.
It is hard to be alone, without work and with a helpless feeling.
I recognize how much I am addicted to my friend.
Dear Annie how are you?Have you also somebody you need?
Love to all
Sanatha or Elisabeth
Dear Elizabeth, Thanks for writing. I never thought about it being quiet in this classroom, but you are right. It seems to really push me to be aware of myself, this silence, which is difficult somethimes. I have discovered that to be myself I have to write and then just push the button to send. Which is scary. I American which doesn't mean much in terms of ethnicity. My parents came from Europe and I am first generation. love and take care Annie
ReplyDeleteDear Elizabeth, Yes, I have a fear that I can not take care of myself and stand on my own two feet. So I am working on this right now. I am talking financially. I have always been afraid to depend on people emotionally. that's why I am asking for this connection. It is my way of saying, I don't want to do this alone anymore and I will take the risk of being rejected, instead of playing it safe and not needing anyone. love Annie
ReplyDeleteDear Annie,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your answers.
I am sorry that you have also existentially or financial Problems.
I am working no more getting a pension( as a former postbank officer) which is without a car and with a little flat o.k.
I am always living alone but I am living since neraly 3 years 3-4 times with my boyfriend who is 23 years older than me. I am 50 years old but feeling more than a little fearful girl.
It is good to speak with you and in my heart you are present since yesterday.
Are you also living alone? have you friends?
I have fear to be alone and fear to be too close to somebody.
I wish you a nice weekend and I will look everyday for you here.
Love Elisabeth
Dear Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteNo I do not live alone. I live with a husband, and two of my four children. With my husband it is a challenge everyday to figure out how to change my thinking about...not feeling like i am cabable enought to take care of my self but also that no one will ever really take care of me and that I am in it all alone. it creats some negative spinning in my head. Today, I can ask the question, why do I feel these things, instead of why is he the way he is. having a little break today. so wonderful to communicate this way, so open and honest, with a friend. In friendship, love Anni8e
"Today he says to me he need this day for himself and I should not come to him as normally on Friday.
ReplyDeleteNow I feel powerless, have pain in my stomach because I have to structure my day alone."
Dear Elisabeth, Above are your words. I am glad you are noticing your reactions and writing them down. This is very good work. Please continue in this way. When you read your words again (above) can you see that you are NOT your reactions?
Yes, you ARE powerless over him. We are all powerless over other people. It is deep understanding to admit and accept that we are powerless over other people.
Please continue to be aware of the unhealthy co-dependence between you and your partner. Ask the angels to teach you what True Love is.
I will ask the angels this also..What is true love? Annie
ReplyDeletehere's a clue: "Angels, with their deep compassion for human suffering, help us soar beyond the illusory limits of the mind. When we soar beyond the illusion, we soar into true love. True love cannot be labeled, categorized, or defined by the mind, as much as the mind would like to."
ReplyDeleteHello all together,
ReplyDeletea few years ago I wrote down what I think (my mind!) or better feel (I hope my heart)what love is.
For me it is everything. We often talk about good feelings when we mean love, and I think when I am not in connection with my angels or the me inside me, it is also love, but hidden. And then we play games with other people to regain this part, of which we think it is lost.
I am sorry, it is difficult to express that in english.
Dear Elisabeth and dear Annie, I felt a little bit curious (it is not the right word, I mean in german like a "Eindringling")but your discussion helped me, because you are so open.
Thank you,
love from Antje
Dear Annie, Antje and Indira,
ReplyDeleteIt is not so easy to be happy if you have a depression.
My psychiatrist gave me new Antidepressiva yesterday.
Also I do everything against my illness my Neurotransmitter in the brain do not function well.
Depression is a severe illness like cancer and can also lead to death.
I have to fight every day to survive.
Angels often do not help.
Yes I can only accept my fate and illness which exists over generations im my father´s family.
I feel thankful for being part here and sometimes I feel both my suffering and a inner joy.
Annie you are very brave to be so open.
I admire you with your childrens and with your helpful job.
I gave me permisssion to be happy so God will.
In friendship and love for all members here
Elisabeth
Sanatha-Elisabeth. Yes, a depression must be treated by a doctor, just as a broken arm or a disease must be treated. So continue to work with the doctors. That is what you do for the illness you have.
ReplyDeleteFor your spiritual work, continue to read your lessons and show up in the Classroom.
You are not your depression, just as someone with a broken arm is not the broken arm.
The angels are always talking to us. God never leaves us. It is we who do not hear the messages of Truth.
You are not the only one who often feels sad and alone, as if even the angels have deserted you.
As much as possible, see the depression as a disease - which is not who you really are. Do your best to stay focused on positive thinking that most serves you. Read your lessons. Write in the Classroom, and then let the words go. Even if you cannot hear the angels, they can hear you.
also, Elisabeth, you wrote that you feel thankful for being part of the Classroom ....Gratitude is one of the most healing energies that exists.....especially when you can feel it, even in your pain.
ReplyDeleteAnd you said that sometimes you feel both your suffering and an inner joy....
Inner joy is independent of anything - it needs no reason for being - and no reason for not being - it simply IS.
Hi everyone,
ReplyDeleteMy confusion is remembering how to get back to the classroom...Indira talked about the feelings that might come up when being in a classroom. All of a sudden a flood of emotions came over me as school was a place that I never felt part of and had few friends as my focus wasn't usually what was going on in the class...it was what is going to happen when I get home. Coming from an abusive home I can look back now and see it as a sad experience for a little girl to go through. So here I am being part of a classroom that is safe.
I look forward to turning my thinking around....it is habitual, no doubt. I like the idea of training the mind to change that pattern. I will be aware of the questions I ask myself today. One that comes to mind today is....when I'm at the beauty shop later ..can I stick to what I want or be talked into something else...which comes up for me often, if someone sounds authoritative, talks louder,they know better than me....the chatter goes on. I'll keep you posted.
Daisy - I am pleased to see that you are taking your homework (1st lesson) to heart and applying it to your every day life.
ReplyDeleteDear Daisy, Annie, Indira and all the others!
ReplyDeleteWhile doing my homework I realised that I fulfilled already my vision having a deep relationship, having enough time for myself, having enough money to live and I suddenly feel happy and very thankful.
My wishes for my life have already fulfilled.
I have nice friends, a wonderful mother and sisters,brothers,nephews,nieces also nice neighbours!
I have everything to be happy NOW!
But also my doctors and therapist helps me. My new Antidepressiva seem also to help me to find the right neurotransmitter balance in my brain.
Thank you Daisy and Annie for being so open and helpful.
How are you Annie?
I miss you.
Love to everybody
Elisabeth
Dear Indira,
ReplyDeleteI have slept this night bad like thousands other nights. I have planned to do fitnesstraining today but my body hurts and is tired. Should I listen to my body and do slow exercises at home because the fitnesscenter with all people seems to much for me?
My ego is again there wanting me different.
My patterns of self blaming want to start. It is hard to live in a body and brain which reacts always reactionnary to old experiences used to pain and fear.
But I have not to work and can take care of my body and relax. Later I go to Art Therapie, a house which is open for psychich ill women every day to offer them creative work and help. It is free for me and I am thankful that so many social offerings are in Munic with educated people to help Human beings without work and psychich problems.
Love to everybody
Elisabeth
Dear Elisabeth,
ReplyDeleteeven I read what you wrote at last, I saw you as a very soft and fragile woman on the one side and on the other side I feel power and I see you loving your life and I think there is a lot of creativity in you.
I would like to send you a story I wrote some years ago. During the time I wrote it I was very calm and in peace and very powerful!
I wrote it for myself, but also for children and adults who like to think about spiritual life.
If you want you can find it under www.klangsein.de the button "stimmklang", there you can print it as a pdf file.
Maybe you will come in connection with your power.
Dear Elisabeth, I wish you a wonderful day,
love, Antje
Elisabeth, If the goals you have are too overwhelming, you might try setting very small goals which you can achieve. It is better to complete a small goal than to have a large uncompleted goal looming over you, making you feel bad because you didn't achieve it.
ReplyDeleteClearly you cycle into highs and lows more strongly than a person without your illness. However, what you describe - feeling good one day and bad the next - is the nature of the mind or ego. It is not your true nature, just as the illness is not who you really are. The doctor and medicine help you with that illness. The School helps you with your spiritual dis-ease (which all human beings have! The dis-ease of ego!)
What you describe happening with you - feeling good when you are with friends - feeling bad when you are alone again, etc. - is what many human beings go through, to one degree or another.
I appreciate your honesty. There is absolutely no shame in having a mental illness, just as there is none in having a physical illness. You have an amazing spirit that seeks Truth, healing, and connection.
Dear Antje and Indira,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your compassionate mails.
Antje, I have read your wonderful story with the "Braunbär" and looked on your website.
Very interesting. What a pity that you are living in Mainz.
I wish you a wonderful week.
I feel tired because I do not sleep well.
I try to take less tablets for sleeping.
You look very pretty and nice.
Thank you all
Elisabeth
dear Elizabeth, Daisy, Monika, Indira and Antje,
ReplyDeleteIt feels so good to be back in the open classroom. I was so open and then I closed up again for a while, but whenb I read everything here it draw me in like a moth to the light. YOu guys are the light. Elizabeth, I miss you too. I send you my love. I am a family and play therapist and sometimes I get so comsumed thinking about my families and how I can help them and then I remember, it is not me. I am always getting help from that other realm. my love to all. Annie
The remembrance, "it is not me" - thank you for sharing your wisdom with the class.
ReplyDeleteTo all my fellow students who are speaking a second language here,
ReplyDeleteI am so gratefull that I can get to know you because you know my language. I am sorry that I can not do the same for you. But I have been meaning to tell you that I appreciate it. Annie
Annie, speaking of languages, "Although angels speak another language from humans, they understand the language of the heart, so they can converse with anyone. The only language that really matters is the only language angels care about: the language of the heart. The language of the heart is the universal language of peace." Indira
ReplyDelete