A huge element of my Waking Up last year, was leaving a cruel and angry man. In an attempt to shield myself from his damage, I grew smaller and smaller, withdrawing into the safety of non-responsiveness and inaction. Eventually I became a complete nothing.
A Shaman introduced me to many balancing concepts, including angels, and my awareness grew exponentially. I believe the aid and guidance I received from the angels literally saved my life. I might still be there with that man - suffering in denial and bewilderment - had they not shown me the truth. I retreated to safety and went No Contact. But once I felt safe, I found it hard to connect with the angels anymore… or to meditate, or exercise… all I could do was sit here and wonder who I am supposed to be.
Then I found Indira and this place. I still haven't reconnected with my angels, but I am determined to do so. I’m reading Lesson 2 of my first semester about Maya. My stuckness - “hurt, offended, depressed, resentful” - is appropriately before me on the pages. I think I read the same page 4 times! I’m trying to force my mind to get it, but those stupid false voices in my head keep interrupting. I’m doing the work, but sometimes it’s very hard to make it sink in.
If anyone has preparation tips - things they do to improve their ability to absorb the lessons - I would love to hear them. I’ve noticed though, in this Google Blog thingy, that when someone asks for observations, and I click where it says: “2 comments” the words "2 comments" go away, but no comments appear! Anywhoo…… thanks if anyone can help.
hello, I hope you will be able to read this comment. Kevin here. When I first came to the school, I was also going through a bad breakup with a girlfriend. I felt hurt and defeated by many things, that being one. What I found is that the more I showed up for the school, the more things changed.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it seemed they got harder though, as I saw more about myself and blamed others less. I can relate to, “My stickiness — “hurt, offended, depressed, resentful” — is appropriately before me on the pages” You are not alone! We all go through it. Sometimes I think reading the lessons is like learning a new language — you have to keep practicing, keep reading. There is no magic formula other than showing up, reading, practicing exercises, doing homework. It takes a lot to deprogram the brain from wrong thinking. Don’t give up. It’s worth it. And writing here is also a great help. For me writing here is like writing to the angels. Eventually I get answers. As Indira always says, be patient, loving and kind with yourself. That is great medicine. And I appreciate you being so open and sharing so much. —Kevin
You are absolutely right, Kevin, that showing up and putting forth the effort to read and use your lessons on a daily basis is the best way for them to penetrate old conditioning and allow you to think in new ways. It means going against our lazy nature. Thanks for your insightful and compassionate response. It's what the angels do-they always reach out when someone reaches towards them. Responding to others who are seeking Truth takes you closer to angels, because that is what angels do. All the qualities of the angels exist within us -- dormant -- until we take action to wake them up. It really is as simple as acting, responding as an angel might. It's not about being perfect, but about putting forth the effort. That is how we learn and grow together.
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