I opened the classroom today and immediately felt like sharing. So often I think I do not have the time, that something else is more important, but I seem to have time for other things, like stopping for coffee at my favorite coffee shop, parking the car, going in, chatting with people, spending my money. Or browsing the web. Or flicking on the TV.
Why don't I make at least as much time for my spiritual work? Good question! My answer today was: Make time now. Forget about the times I don't! That keeps me neither here nor there and prevents me from doing my spiritual work today.
I've been noticing how my mind tells me, when I am in a negative state, that it will never end. I have read this in our school, and I can say, it is true. Every time I am feeling bad, without energy, low, my mind wants to tell me it's no use; why don't I just give up; everyone is better than me; I am a lost cause; I have made too many mistakes; it is too late me.
Whew! These are the quality of thoughts that are running my life! That have been running my life for years. And I have not been aware of them. It is like digging up the basement under a house that is full of poisonous gas that has been seeping through slowing killing that one who lives in that house -- --which is me.
Now I am becoming aware of those thoughts, but not so aware as I could be. I don't keep the spiritual sentry awake at the door of my mind and so before I know it, negative thoughts seep in like the poison they are and begin to poison my day. I become heavy and despondent. It is hard to get through the day when I am full of this poison. And when I go to sleep with these thoughts, they wake up even fatter--like your poem says, Indira.
Right now I am going through this phase of negativity taking over. I am learning about it. I can see the thoughts, whereas before I didn't even know they were there. I blindly believed them. I am watching the effect they have on my mind, emotions, and body. Especially, I notice what happens in my body, how I do not want to move--I'd rather sit and do something mindless, like play a computer game or sit and feel sorry for myself. I do not want to do the things that are healthy for my body, like go to the gym or take a walk.
Negative thoughts are powerful things with powerful influences, very harmful influences, when I let them take over. I know that becoming more aware of my negative thinking is positive, even when it feels negative. I know that as the light gets brighter, more negativity is revealed. I know I am not so different--I mean, my ego nature is not--I am just becoming more aware of my darkness, and so it seems worse. I know all of this from our school. At least I know it mentally--it has not yet reached that internal knowing. I am still on the edges. It is not the deep inner knowing you talk about, Indira.
So today this is what is going on for me. I am relieved I stopped by today to share this. I feel something lifting already--a little more understanding reaching me.
p.s. I like the changes you make in our open classroom, Indira. It is true I get used to one look and do get attached to some of them and hate to see them go. So I find it amusing that I open one day and everything is different. It is a great teaching. I dig that everything about our school is used as a teaching. It really does make the school seem like a living thing, and I think it is. It is alive with the energy of the angels and I can feel that to be true. Very cool.
Why don't I make at least as much time for my spiritual work? Good question! My answer today was: Make time now. Forget about the times I don't! That keeps me neither here nor there and prevents me from doing my spiritual work today.
I've been noticing how my mind tells me, when I am in a negative state, that it will never end. I have read this in our school, and I can say, it is true. Every time I am feeling bad, without energy, low, my mind wants to tell me it's no use; why don't I just give up; everyone is better than me; I am a lost cause; I have made too many mistakes; it is too late me.
Whew! These are the quality of thoughts that are running my life! That have been running my life for years. And I have not been aware of them. It is like digging up the basement under a house that is full of poisonous gas that has been seeping through slowing killing that one who lives in that house -- --which is me.
Now I am becoming aware of those thoughts, but not so aware as I could be. I don't keep the spiritual sentry awake at the door of my mind and so before I know it, negative thoughts seep in like the poison they are and begin to poison my day. I become heavy and despondent. It is hard to get through the day when I am full of this poison. And when I go to sleep with these thoughts, they wake up even fatter--like your poem says, Indira.
Right now I am going through this phase of negativity taking over. I am learning about it. I can see the thoughts, whereas before I didn't even know they were there. I blindly believed them. I am watching the effect they have on my mind, emotions, and body. Especially, I notice what happens in my body, how I do not want to move--I'd rather sit and do something mindless, like play a computer game or sit and feel sorry for myself. I do not want to do the things that are healthy for my body, like go to the gym or take a walk.
Negative thoughts are powerful things with powerful influences, very harmful influences, when I let them take over. I know that becoming more aware of my negative thinking is positive, even when it feels negative. I know that as the light gets brighter, more negativity is revealed. I know I am not so different--I mean, my ego nature is not--I am just becoming more aware of my darkness, and so it seems worse. I know all of this from our school. At least I know it mentally--it has not yet reached that internal knowing. I am still on the edges. It is not the deep inner knowing you talk about, Indira.
So today this is what is going on for me. I am relieved I stopped by today to share this. I feel something lifting already--a little more understanding reaching me.
p.s. I like the changes you make in our open classroom, Indira. It is true I get used to one look and do get attached to some of them and hate to see them go. So I find it amusing that I open one day and everything is different. It is a great teaching. I dig that everything about our school is used as a teaching. It really does make the school seem like a living thing, and I think it is. It is alive with the energy of the angels and I can feel that to be true. Very cool.
ReplyDeleteKevin, becoming aware of the negative thoughts and what they are saying to you is an important part of the path. Very important. They begin to lose their control of you the more you see them. Just keep on seeing. Negativity doesn't like to be SEEN. That's because it does its best work in the dark. In fact, in the dark is the only place it can work.