In a reading I had with Indira a couple of years ago, I was complaining that I don’t like living in a ‘cement’ jungle (the city), and that I want to get out of the ‘cement’ jungle and live in the country. That is when Indira heard the angels joke/laugh that the ‘cement’ is in my head. I had never thought of myself that way, but as time goes by, I can see that there are times I can be hard-headed. LOL! It takes a while for things to sink-in sometimes; it takes awhile for me to see the truth in a situation involving myself.
A couple of days ago, I was driving home for lunch to check on my little dog who still has a cast on his broken leg. As I was driving along in the heavy traffic on the expressway, a familiar series of thoughts started playing in my head. Such as: “I am never going to be able to get out of this cement jungle. My husband and I will never be able to afford to move. This life is too hard. I have had too much heartache in this life at earth. And I know the future is nothing but more heartache. My husband and I will just get older and less physically fit, and more financially strained, and more prone to ill-health. We won’t be able to help my son with money if he needs it. I just want to go home to heaven. I wish I could figure out a way to go there soon, before the heartache and misery of this life get so bad that I can’t bear it. But I can’t go home early, because I know how much heartache that would cause my son, because I know when my dad committed suicide, it tragically affected the lives of our whole family. I can’t do that to them. If only I could figure out a way to live in a little cottage in the woods, surrounded by plant life, where I could spend my days learning about all the wild herbs and plants growing wild, and figure out a way to eek out a living with my husband. I could basically be a hermit, and spend my days writing, creating, and enjoying nature. I would like to work on another book for children with flower photographs, but I don’t have time or energy. I have to worry about eeking out a living in this cement jungle in a job I hate. I wish I had time to create, but I am too exhausted from worrying about all of this. It’s not fair that God expects us to live on this planet with all this heartache and misery, and doesn’t even work things out so it is possible for me and others who want to live in the country, away from the noise and chaos of the city, to do so.”
This is the record that has been playing in my head for the last few years. Even tho Indira has provided us with many lessons about becoming aware of our thoughts, and how we are not our thoughts, it had never truly sunk-in.
However, the cement in my head may be beginning to crack, because a couple of day ago, as I was thinking these things, a vision of the “little stick figure” popped into my mind.
When the image of the “litte stick figure” popped into my mind, I thought, “these thoughts aren’t real… they have no life of their own… they have no substance… just like the little stick figure”. Then I had a HUGE ahhh-hawww moment and thought, I can dismiss these thoughts. They aren’t real. They aren’t real. They aren’t real.
As I did this, I actually felt the misery go away. I felt it leave my heart. As soon as I dismissed the little stick figure, refusing him to let him stay for iced-tea and dessert, I felt the misery go away.
For the first time, I associated the “MISERY in my heart”, with the “THOUGHTS in my head. Up until this point, I believed that thoughts only affected my head, I didn’t realize how much the affected my feelings in my heart. I realized that indeed, the thoughts in my head majorly affect the feelings in my heart.
I breathed deeply several times, enjoying the peace that had replaced the miserable feelings.
I thought, “Maybe it’s not my actual LIFE that is making me feel miserable afterall. Maybe it’s the THOUGHTS about my life.
I realized, hey I am feeling pretty good. I am feeling good even tho I am out in traffic driving along this cement expressway in the city.”
I then felt HOPE. I felt HOPE that I will have more time and energy to focus on my creative projects, instead of being exhausted by THOUGHTS of despair.
My goal, for the last several years, has been to have peace in my heart. Because when we each have peace in our hearts, there will be peace on earth.
I think that is one of the reasons I have been so consumed with moving to the country is because I have peace in my heart when I am in nature, near woods, lakes, rivers, and when I am gardening, or photographing nature.
Being an empath, I pick up on the energy in my environment, so when I am in nature, I pick up the coherent energies there, and when I am in the city, I pick up on the chaotic disfunctional energy there, but I am hoping to get better with my energetic hygiene, and my intention is to consciously help transmute the chaotic and disfunctional energy’s when I feel them, by asking the angels to take them to the light for their own healing and transmutation, and to put divine healing energy where the dysfuntional energy was.
I think another reason that I am at peace in nature, is because, I am in the present moment when I am in nature. I am not thinking about the future or the past. I am hoping this new awareness will help me to live in the present moment more often, and have true happiness even when I am not in nature.
I realize that even tho I’ve made some progress this week, life will not be a bed of roses. There will be trials and heartache in the future, but I will deal with them in their present moment, when they happen, then go on with my life… not living in the past or future. I don’t have to live with future heartaches now, when they haven’t even happened yet!
I am sooo grateful to you Indira for your stick figure lesson, and for the image you provided of him. I am a “visual” learner, so that picture of him really made an impression on me. I followed your advice in your hints on reading your lessons, about printing them out and reading them over and over a couple of weeks ago. Also, because of Kevin’s comment, I found myself reading the lesson over and over again in order to decided which parts I wanted to cut out to put in the box. Maybe that is part of the reason this lesson sunk-in, … because I read it over and over. And the part about our ego’s wanting us to be “special” has sunk in too. So now when I start to think that my heartaches are too tough (special) I remind myself that is my ego talking.
Hi Mary, thanks for having the courage to share the workings of your mind, which are not so different from the workings of anyone else's mind. Minds work the same, only the stories they tell are different. For example, maybe someone living in the country says....
ReplyDelete"...if only I lived in the city! Life would be fun and exciting. I'd meet the man (or woman) of my dreams. I'd go to coffee houses, drink fancy lattes, and work on my laptop. If I only had a laptop! I'd be a famous writer by now, if I could afford a laptop! And I'd have enough money to live in the city! Why did God have me born to country bumpkins? Why do I have such a fate? God must hate me. Oh, woe is me...."
Yes, sad, but true, that is the way the human mind words. The grass is always greener where we aren't! (we think).
The truth is, the grass is as green as we make it by our own efforts, by the love we have for Truth. Today's daily e-mail message was about putting Truth first.
I am glad you liked the little stick figure image.
Yes, ego is composed of thoughts, with no more reality than a little stick figure. The wonderful thing is that we can so NO! to thoughts. We can tell thoughts, "You have no power here!"
Notice the way your mind criticizes and condemns the part of you that works so hard to provide a nice home for you and your family, as well as vacations in the country.
Have you noticed that the mind is divided into 2 parts? One part condemns and criticizes. The other part praises and flatters. BOTH parts are false! They are the DIVIDED mind, which is synonymous with ego. The ego is divided against it's self. It is divided (separate) from God. This is the nature of ego. Therefore, the ego can ONLY criticize or flatter. That's it.
One minute the mind makes you feel good about yourself, the next minute it makes you feel bad about yourself. This results in continuous suffering.
Fortunately, there is a way out of this suffering! It requires constant vigilance. We must work on ourselves everyday. This is not a bad thing. It is fascinating and wondrous to do spiritual work and evolve into Truth.
Thank you for this post. I admire your courage and honesty. It is very helpful that you revealed the workings of the mind for your classmates to understand that they are not the only ones with monkey minds. Everyone can relate to your post, I am sure.
And, yes, reading the lessons everyday, even a paragraph or two, is a way to let the light enter, little by little. We have been living in the dark so long we fear the very light that is our savior. The ego is foolish in that way. Keep showing up for yourself, Mary, and the light will show up for you.
Go to nature whenever you can. The nature that you have created in your own backyard is a wonderful haven (heaven) for you, your animal family, and the nature spirits.
Hi Mary, I read the lesson with the little stick figure awhile back, since I am a first year student, but your post inspired me to go back and read it again. I got more out of it this time, especially in conjunction with your post.
ReplyDeleteThat part about the ego wanting to be special...it ruins lives! I realized I was trying to be special, to someone else, to be "seen" in the world, so I could feel "good" about myself, but no matter what I got on the outside, it didn't really change how I felt on the inside.
I'm still working on all this. Last month I had some great results with my job and was flying high, thinking I'd made it at last. But that meant I had to work extra long hours for weeks, and I got exhausted and decided I was in the wrong profession and should've been a cowboy, living the free life, working on ranches, roaming the world, really, that was my childhood dream, and I was criticizing myself and feeling bad about my career choices.
So your post came at the right time for me. It was like reading an angel lesson! Thanks, Mary.
And thanks to the school. And the Open Classroom. I love this place.
P.S. Mary, sorry to hear about your little dog. Hope he is getting better. Is he?
ReplyDeleteHi Kevin,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read what you said about trying to be special and "seen" in the world so you could feel "good" about yourself, I said "Amen!" to myself, because I have recently gone thru the same thing!
And you are right, even after my "accomplishments", I didn't feel any better about myself on the inside, at least not for long. And the reason I say not-for-long, is that when I first received the news that the self-publishing company, that I had contacted, agreed to work on my project, I was flying high and "praised" and "flattered" myself, that I had accomplished something that would be seen in the world. But that feeling only lasted a few minutes.
And after reading Indira's post about the ego having two-sides, critisism or praise, I realized it was my ego that was flattering me, and that is why it was so short lived. Interesting... the word "proud" just popped into my head as I was typing this. I guess "pride" must come from the ego too, and that is why it doesn't feel good.
One of the only parts of my "accomplishment" that held lasting joy for me, was the part of my project where I was absorbed in the present moment with appreciation for the beauty I be-held in the wildflowers I was photographing, and when I felt their divine light and energy flowing thru me. Beauty, appreciation, graditude, those things bring me lasting joy.
I also realize that I do feel joy when I know a child has enjoyed seeing the flower book and has experienced joy from the beauty of beholding one of God's flowers. It is about God's flowers and not about "me". (Even as I type this I can still feel my ego crying but what about me? "me" "me" "me" and talking about my "false humility". Help! My ego is trying to make me feel bad even as I type this.... I have told it to go away. I feel like it is still here. I will ask the angels to help to beautify my thoughts... Do you still experience times like this Indira? What should I do? I guess I need to read my lessons right now and get back on track...
Kevin, I laughed out loud when I read what you said about "... it ruins lives" in reference to the ego wanting to feel "special". I laughed because that is so TRUE.
And thank you for asking about my little dog. He broke his leg when he was running down some stairs in a hotel where we were staying on vacation, and he tripped and fell down the last few stairs. It was horrible! It was obvious just from looking at his leg that it was broken.
We rushed him to the local vet in Eureka Springs (thank God he was in the office because it was a Saturday) and they put him out and put a temporary cast on him, until we could get him to our local vet in Tulsa. He knew that Cowboy would probably have to have surgery to put a pin in his leg to hole the bones together, so that is why he didn't even try to set it at that time.
The surgery went great, and Cowboy has done so well!! He holds his cast up off of the ground and runs on three legs faster than a lot of dogs can run on four! LOL! We take him back to the vet on Monday for an x-ray to see how it is healing and they will probably change the cast at that time. Hopefully only 3 or 4 more weeks and he'll be good as new.
Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention that it was very helpful to read your thoughts on wishing you'd made the career choice to become a cowboy and roam freely on the range and live on ranches.
It made me wonder how many people wish they had totally different careers and lifestyles from the ones they are living? I used to think I was the only one who wasn't "living their passion". I hear that on radio programs all the time lately... telling people "if you aren't living your passion" then change careers. So I thought I was the only one who hadn't managed to live my passion as far as my career goes.... with the exception of one of my friends who told me that she wanted to be a sheep herder. She said she wanted to move to Scottland and become a sheep herder, because it would be so peaceful. I always thought that sounded like a wonderful idea!! I would like that too.
So after listening to the spiritual programs on the radio, and hearing them tell me that there was something wrong with me because I hadn't figured out how to live my passion, I believed them. I am thankful that Indira has explained to us that we need to be appreciative and grateful to the part of ourselves that gets up every morning and goes to work and provides a food and shelter for our families.
Hi Mary, I know how much it means to have your little cowboy healing. I feel the same about my little Penny dog, who is sleeping under the covers, after an early morning romp and a treat. It's going on 7am here. I listened to the birds greet the dawn and now the morning is quiet, except for traffic and a plane overhead. Alas, it is hard to live where one cannot hear traffic. It is important for those of us who live in cities to get away to nature when we can, so as not to lose our roots.
ReplyDeleteDear Indira,
ReplyDeleteYes, it does mean so much for my little Cowboy to be healing... I feel so much gratitude each day that he is getting better. He brings me so much joy each day as I know your Penny dog does for you. They are such blessings!