On Death and Dying...

Dear Students,

A student wrote to me regarding the death of her father. There has always been conflict with her family. She did not know her father was ill from Covid and had died in the hospital, so she did not see him. Her mother wrote to her that she should not attend the funeral, so this student is asking what she should do. This is my response to her.  

Dear ____

Of course, it is a decision only you can make deep in your heart.

He is your father. His life and his death are between you and him...and God. No one else.

The past — is past. Whatever letter your wrote, even that is past. The present is now. If your family wants to hold onto the past — that is their misfortune.

YOU can choose to live now. You do not have to be bound by the past, even your own. The past has already been burned in the fire of time.

Your mother's letter to you does not come from her heart, which always seeks love and unity, but from her mind.

YOU do not have to live from your mind, except at a practical level.

There will be reactions among the family if you attend the funeral service. If you attend, can you be strong enough within yourself to not react to their reactions in a way that will bring you down?

Can you simply attend with dignity and love because you feel it is the right thing for you?

Most important is to avoid regret. The mind is very good at causing regret. Regret is useless because the past is the past. If you don't attend the funeral, will you feel regret later?

A funeral is simply a social function where people come together— because death is so final, so hard — and the living must find ways to deal with it. That is the significance of a funeral — to help people deal with their grief, say farewell, support each other, and move on. It's not for the dead, but for the living.

It is unlikely that you will feel supported by your family. So going to the funeral must be because you choose to take your place as the eldest child — because it is your place. You can claim your place — no matter what anyone says.

Do what brings peace to your heart and soul.

This is your father. His death is a completion of your soul journey together on earth. His spirit is free now, on his new journey. You can honor your soul journey with your father no matter what.

Do not let your family make this important decision for you. Do not let outer circumstances tell you what to do (except at practical levels). Use this time to enter into your heart and soul to find what is right for you.

You do not need their permission to tell you what to do. You do not have to please them. You must only be pleasing unto God. When you please God, you are pleased. 

Angels live by no prescribed rules. Angels do not need rules to govern them, because angels are governed by love. Angels are not trying to please anyone. Angels know their being is pleasing to God. This is all an angel needs to know. Angels are free and spontaneous because they do not have to decide if what they are going to do or say will please you. Angels are completely open because angels have nothing to hide.

If you do travel, travel safe...because of Covid. Wearing a mask at the funeral will help keep you safe from Covid, and protect others — and it may also help keep you safe emotionally. 

I am sorry for your father's illness and death without you by his side.

With deepest love, as always,

Indira