Me too!! I know it is true, still I get so distracted by all the appearances. What I know intellectually I do not yet know with my full heart and being -- and so I do not yet experience the light. Sometimes I feel a great depression about this. Because the appearances seem so real to me and I find my life is dictated by my responses to those appearances. I see more and more how unconscious I am. I see it and yet I am still unable to get free.
It is like I see myself standing in the mud and I can't get out. I practice the art of self-observation. I watch myself. And still I am so often trapped in my thoughts. I know that I have a lifetime of beliefs and wrong thinking to overcome.
Lately I have found myself trapped in darkness. And I am having a hard time.
At least I have the school, the open classroom, the lessons. Just now I am experience fear and depression because of things going on in my outer world and life. I made some mistakes recently that have me feeling really down about myself. But life for me is not, has not always been, easy. I don't think it is for anyone. Just now I am struggling with challenges. I find that spiritual teachings do not take the challenges away, but I do have something to cling to...the teachings---of the angels---and other great teachers like this one, Maharshi---that teach me that there is another way.
Well, as my latest lessons talked about--sometimes we are lost in the dark jungle of ego. Right now I feel lost, and so I am visiting the school more often and reading my lessons. I don't think I am more lost--but I am more aware of how lost I am. How unconscious I am. I am more aware of the pain of the world. And so I must spend more time with my spiritual life, to learn and grow. I find that so often I have mistaken the false light for the real light. And now I see this. Before I never saw it. I thought the false light was the real light. I thought the appearances were real. They were not. They never were. But I have thought so, and so have followed a false god. As my past lessons have pointed out--I have put false gods before the true God. I still do this when I believe in my fears and weaknesses.
Kevin, I so appreciate that you have shared so deeply and openly here. You are not the only who feels this way, even when others do not have your courage to commitment to share. Just writing about your experiences has the power to help you through the dark times into the light.
I also like to see how you are applying the teachings to your life. I know you spend a lot of time with your lessons and I appreciate that.
Keep sharing. It will keep increasing your understanding.
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Wow, I love this !
ReplyDeleteMe too!! I know it is true, still I get so distracted by all the appearances. What I know intellectually I do not yet know with my full heart and being -- and so I do not yet experience the light. Sometimes I feel a great depression about this. Because the appearances seem so real to me and I find my life is dictated by my responses to those appearances. I see more and more how unconscious I am. I see it and yet I am still unable to get free.
ReplyDeleteIt is like I see myself standing in the mud and I can't get out. I practice the art of self-observation. I watch myself. And still I am so often trapped in my thoughts. I know that I have a lifetime of beliefs and wrong thinking to overcome.
Lately I have found myself trapped in darkness. And I am having a hard time.
At least I have the school, the open classroom, the lessons. Just now I am experience fear and depression because of things going on in my outer world and life. I made some mistakes recently that have me feeling really down about myself. But life for me is not, has not always been, easy. I don't think it is for anyone. Just now I am struggling with challenges. I find that spiritual teachings do not take the challenges away, but I do have something to cling to...the teachings---of the angels---and other great teachers like this one, Maharshi---that teach me that there is another way.
Well, as my latest lessons talked about--sometimes we are lost in the dark jungle of ego. Right now I feel lost, and so I am visiting the school more often and reading my lessons. I don't think I am more lost--but I am more aware of how lost I am. How unconscious I am. I am more aware of the pain of the world. And so I must spend more time with my spiritual life, to learn and grow. I find that so often I have mistaken the false light for the real light. And now I see this. Before I never saw it. I thought the false light was the real light. I thought the appearances were real. They were not. They never were. But I have thought so, and so have followed a false god. As my past lessons have pointed out--I have put false gods before the true God. I still do this when I believe in my fears and weaknesses.
Kevin, I so appreciate that you have shared so deeply and openly here. You are not the only who feels this way, even when others do not have your courage to commitment to share. Just writing about your experiences has the power to help you through the dark times into the light.
ReplyDeleteI also like to see how you are applying the teachings to your life. I know you spend a lot of time with your lessons and I appreciate that.
Keep sharing. It will keep increasing your understanding.
P.S. I also love this teaching by Ramana Maharshi, which is why I shared it.
ReplyDeleteI meant to write courage OR commitment. Typos. Grrr!
ReplyDelete