Patience

It's been a very "busy" time for me -- which just means, lots to do. I am preparing now for my flight to Europe. I am bringing my little dog Penny with me this year and that requires much preparation, since there are rules that must be followed when traveling with a pet internationally. Fortunately, it seems possible, once I make my way through all the red tape.

While I was in this process, I noticed a feeling of panic arising within me. Panic and Stress. Because I was paying attention I saw this. When we do not pay attention, we do not see. We are not aware of the thoughts and emotions that then can move in and take over. It is never good when fear makes our decisions and runs our life. Even when we make the right decision -- when we make it from fear, it gives the false impression that we need the fear to make a good decision. It increases the fear. I was afraid Penny could not travel with me, and so I was trying to do everything right, feeling anxious and stressed.

And I had to change my plans to travel to the east coast here, to see my family, and give the East Coast Retreat. The east coast retreat has now been postponed. I couldn't get everything ready for Penny to fly to Germany in time to also fly to NYS, so I just gave it up. I now plan to fly to NYS in the winter.

Anyway, as a result of seeing the fear and anxiety (panic and stress) I saw something valuable. Let's see if I can put it into words...I saw the way the mind tries to run the show. I know I write about this all the time in the lessons, but I saw and experienced this in a new way. Remember how I always tell you that you need to find out for yourself that it is true? That you should never blindly believe anything? Well, in this process, I was able to see the light shining a bit more brightly. I saw -- really saw -- stepped outside myself -- and saw the mind (ego) running the show -- and it was not doing a very good job.

It is true that we must use the mind -- the practical, reasoning mind -- and not the impractical unreasoning mind (I wrote a lesson about that). This means gathering information and using practical memory. So I have to gather information about Penny flying, as well as research airfares (which takes a long time on the internet). I have to decide when to leave and when to return. I have to buy flight insurance. Decide which airline is best for my needs and which I can afford. That is what the mind and memory are for.

The trouble arises when the ego starts trying to direct the show. Ego does this by pretending it knows the future. Ego either projects fear or success into the future. The ego is great at telling you all the bad things that could happen. The ego is also great at projecting a fantasy. The ego either wants to tear you down or build up a false self. Either way, ego wins--because it gets to be there.

I saw through the tricks of the ego. I saw that one of the main way it controls my life is through the feeling of impatience. The ego says there is not enough time, you have to make a decision right away or something bad will happen, or you can't make a decision (paralysis) because something bad will happen. I saw that ego operates in the mind--in my head. It has nothing to do with heart. The primary way ego does this is by pushing forward with brute strength--like a big bully pushing its way through a crowd, knocking people over, not caring that it is stepping on other people's toes, trampling little children. It only cares about itself.

I saw that the heart, on the other hand, is patient. Patient, loving, and kind. It has no need to rush. It really is true that fools rush in where angels fear to tread. The heart waits patiently for the Lord (Higher Consciousness, Truth) to enter. The heart is willing to sit alone in the dark and wait for the single sunbeam to illuminate the darkness. The heart waits for no-one but God. The heart never moves except when directed by Higher Consciousness. Even when the ego persistently shouts at the heart to get up, get moving, get doing something (or shouts for it to curl up into a ball of fear and paralysis)--the heart never listens. The heart is willing to sit with the fear until the clear light of Understanding reveals which direction to go.

A person who is unwilling to sit through the fear goes into more fear. Have you ever noticed this? Trying to avoid fear only increases the fear. So next time you find yourself in any kind of fear--anxiety or stress over any situation, no matter what it is--try just sitting with it. Try patience. Remember that patience comes from God. Impatience comes from fear, from false voices that try to get into your head. Do not answer the door when they come calling!

Be patient. Even when you do not feel patient, you can act patient. This means not acting from fear. When you do this, the anxious painful feelings that comes from impatience will eventually be replaced by the gentle loving presence of patience. A feeling of rightness, not wrongness, will direct your life. Overtime, the more you practice this, the more patience will be there. Patience is synonymous with peace, so it means you will be living in peace--the peace that passes understanding.